Morag's Eyrie

Internet dating revisited, body image and stuff

Was a Solar Eclipse in Aries today and I had a weird day, antagonistic inside my head. Not all bad by any means, but weird. I had a pretty fun attack of the Internet Fairies (related to the Library Fairies) - so here's an example of serendipitous browsing online:

Ann and I were having some email banter while organising a videoconference. She was trying to get me to help her order the lunch (for the people who would be at my university, because Willy Wonka has not yet invented the television that will actually deliver the chocolate bar through your screen to your living room). I didn't want to help her, I was trying to get her to order it. In the process I revealed that I thought she was a vegetarian, but she's not. She's a serious foodie like me and likes debunking the myths of vegetarianism, like me. So I started sending her some links.

Anyway, it was late in the day and I was messing about a bit, and I went into another debunking vegetarianism/fad diets site I know of, and decided to follow some of their external links. I followed one because it offered a summary of peer reviewed research debunking the myth that low-fat high-carb diets are good for you.

That site was gone but the guy who'd created it had left up some other old stuff he'd written, maybe 10 years ago. The stuff included FAQs for those embarking on Internet dating. From 1995/96! (The guy met his wife that way BTW, and when I checked his current blog he appears to be still happily married to her). Anyway, the FAQs, though written for an ancient world where Usenet provided people with their Internet communities and dating services, still apply today.

The bit I liked forms a kind of rebuttal for some of the offline razzing I've been taking from a couple of male Internet penpals over my previous post on 'Things I Hate on Internet Dating Sites'. See what advice Dean has for straight guys looking for a woman:

"Question: I have a problem with weight. What do I do about this?

Answer:  Men especially need to be aware one thing regarding weight: it is an unfortunate fact that the majority of women (in the U.S. and Canada at least) believe they are overweight. Weight is a very touchy subject for both sexes, but for women it is especially bad. For men: don't ever say you want a slim woman unless you're positive you want a stick woman, and are willing to exclude about 95% of the female population. The simple fact is that most women believe they are overweight."

He also rightly goes on to say that if you are fat you shouldn't be ashamed, you should say so in your ad, because plenty of people don't care about body size and some prefer ample curves.

Now, ain't that weird that I came across that? The day after putting up the new Dove ad picture on my office wall just where I can see it every time I leave the room (minus the bits about Dove of course- what is that stuff- a bar that's not even soap? - however I do like their Campaign for Real Beauty and their ad featuring larger women than normally appear in ads is full of women round about my size) with "Beautiful Bodies" written in big letters along the top. Am making a concerted effort to de-indoctrinate myself from the current body fascism prevalent everywhere.

Good news anyway: the Internet reconnects old friends yet again

Just to ameliorate the effects of those last two rants, here's some nice news- I got back from Brighton and got a tentative e-mail from an old friend, who wasn't sure it was me, or if I would welcome contact.

Many years ago (maybe 13 years ago?) I lived in Auckland and I met a Scottish woman. We got on really well and had similar interests in spirituality, feminism, creative writing, politics, and at that time, the recovery movement I suppose you would call it- recovery from addictions, from abuse, from dysfunctional families etc. Self healing, therapy, twelve step groups, shamanism, women's spirituality work, witchcraft, that sort of thing.

We went through many amazing things- amazingly bad and amazingly good, and were witness to each other's growth and healing, sometimes helping each other out with magic rituals, shamanic journeys, tarot readings, and just plain listening and being friends. We explored all kinds of things! In many ways it was a difficult time but in others quite a wonderful time.

Anyway, as sometimes happens we had a massive falling out, which was a real shame. She went back to Scotland, and a few years later, I moved to Scotland. For eight years now I've wondered if she is still here, and if we will bump into each other, and if we will recognise each other if we do.

So, she somehow, at Samhain/Halloween last year, stumbled across my name on the Internet, I believe attached to one of my work papers. Now we are back in touch which is amazing- we have so much catching up to do!

That's some happy news anyway.